i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
