OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
