The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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