So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
