i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
