I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
