fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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