i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
