i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
