I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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