Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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