he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I intend to get homeless drunk
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My dick has a subreddit
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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