i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
