you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
