i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
