So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
