Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
