sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
