I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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