Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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