We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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