went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
