I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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