Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
