Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
