Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
