I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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