Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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