dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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