in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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