can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
