idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
