I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
