It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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