When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
