just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
