The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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