I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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