If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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