Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
