Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
