How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
