What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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