Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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