im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
