Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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