I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
