His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
