I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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