You just made me feel so damn special
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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