all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
