Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
