You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
