i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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