i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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