Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
