I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
