Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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