haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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