I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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