i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
