Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
