Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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