White coat. Heels.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
