im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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