Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
