you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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