Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
