11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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