My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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