i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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