Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
