Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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