Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Im part way to drunk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
