dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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